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Fairy Lights

"Remember the last time I came to your house ?"
"Yes, the same lights. No, these are new ones. It was ages ago. Christmas I guess."
"No, your birthday."
"Ah ! Birthdays. Who cares about it these days ? "
"Come on, friends do."
With a smirk, she asked, "Really ?" 
I decided to keep quiet. Sofie had this hold on me.

A lot had changed during the twelve years. 

I had left Sofie's world and never intended to return. 

But somehow I re-entered her life.  

Shaking me from my reverie, she asked, "I guess you will leave in a day or two."

I replied, "Yes, tomorrow evening."

"And when will you be back ? "

I had no answer to her question. She smiled slyly and drifted, "You remind me of him. He had no answer to most of my questions."

"I am sorry, Sofie", I blurted. 

"Please don't be. He is not dead." The standard Sofie-answer. 

She continued,"You should go and find someone.Its almos…
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Fading Memories

What is with this smile Mamma ?  It follows me everywhere, in good times And in pain. During journeys and at nights I rest. Remember how you read me my Nursery rhymes and the alphabet Mamma ? Remember how you waited for me To arrive from school ? Our banters And the laughter that followed. Look ! My library is bigger now, Almost as large as that of yours. Yet, I long to hear a lullaby from you. Sing to me Mamma ! Just like You did ages ago. Don’t walk away like that Mamma ! See, I am your little girl in tears. You taught me how to fight my battles But weren’t you my shield ? I am you girl, grey and portly, But I still need to hear my lullaby.  


Amidst Soul-lessness

There is smoke somewhere. 
I cannot seem to figure out where. 
The lights are here, the music is here.
Has it been home here ?
Perhaps. Maybe when it did not rain.
Or maybe when it rained and it did not matter.
Maybe when I walked alone, smiling to myself. 
Or maybe when I realized I was okay.
Had it been always like this ?

Not really. 
Things clicked, took effort and blood. 
Did I do it ? Or the beasts did ? Maybe we both together,
Played this game. 
Amidst soulful solitude, it was love. 
Maybe appreciation.
Another journey, another dry spell. 
Will it ever be home again ? 

P.S. : Penned at Candies, Bandra on 11th January 2017 


All Consuming Love

Dear You,

Looks like I have found you.

In the depths of my love, I notice your smile.

Yes, the one you flash after that brief moment of joy.

I feel your fingers entwined in mine. All the time.

Your eyes speak to mine, asking me questions.

Remember the first time I told you of my affection and my afflictions ?

You must know this. You consume my thoughts, time and grief.

Glad to have met you.

Yours,

Me.

Twenty Nine

Twenty nine pins.

One for each year of existence.

He took twenty nine different pins and thrust them into her hands.

She writhed looking at them.

One of them forced into her skin. A drop of blood appeared on her milky white fingers.

He flinched at the sight of blood.

He wanted her, she did not care.

Twenty nine pins meant nothing to her.

It was about her wishes and dreams and desires.

He saw pins and she nursed her own pain.

Years. They mean nothing. How you change matters.

Into what you change matters.

Twenty nine can well be ninety two pins, but she would not change her mind.

Twenty nine pins.


The Mother knows

When does a mother feel proud about her child ?  Is it when the baby walks for the first time ?  Or is it when the child calls the mother for the very first time ?  No, it must be when the child runs wildly with glee. 
Ever watched a mother caress a baby ? No blemish or mask. A pure emotion that awaits a definition. The very next moment,  The baby leaps out of the mother's reach. Who can contain the  breeze of  childhood and innocence ? The mother watches. 
At every birthday, a cake is baked. The guests change, children too. When does a mother feel proud about her child ? Is it when  The child attains adulthood ? Or when the first earning is put in  The mother's hands ? I do not know, but the mother knows. 
It is every time the child smiles, every time the child speaks, Every step the child takes, every hurdle the child crosses.  Every time the child runs to her for a missing button, some  Advice or even a hug. The mother always knows.

The Soliloquy of a Sonador

Ever since you flew away,
I have been conjuring up your image.
In the midst of my thoughts,
you light up a smoke and offer it to me.
Everything ceases to be right, I palpitate.
I am supposed to be lonely as the cloud.
You make me forget the sound of fleeting music. 
In the background, a portly man laughs.
In a puff of drowsy numbness,
I catch a glimpse of your sparkling eyes. 

What are you, I wonder. How could you,
Love was it, then ? Like a waterfall in a desert ?
After that brief encounter, you vanished.
I looked at you as a figment of imagination. 
My body wore the tell-tale signs of time.
I believe I saw the best of dark and bright,
Or was it the crazy trick of reflection ?
One fine evening,you landed at my doorstep.
I was old and so were you. Beauty had
Served its purpose. My nest was empty. 
I had flowers at my feet,you were real. 

Sometimes I ponder about you. I should 
Have known. You were capable of hurting me. 
You were the nightmare I was waiting for.
Nubile I was,you played me well. Not that 
I wa…